If 8 year-olds were in my run group

It’s official. I’m old. Not because I just turned 40, but because I no longer understand the words my kids use. At least not in the context they’re using them. I had an experience with a group of eight year olds recently which confirmed the fact that they and I have very different understandings of what certain words mean. It led me to imagine conversations if my morning running group were comprised of eight year olds.

Me: “Ok guys, we’re doing 5 hill repeats.”
Eight year old: “Random.”
Me: “it’s not random at all. We’re rebuilding our strength for our winter base building phase.”
Eight year old: “Wow – rare.”
Me: “???”
Group member shows up with a new, flourescent jacket.
Eight year old: “That jacket is so awkward!”
Me: “What are you talking about? It’s not awkward at all. It’s the opposite of awkward. It is in fact extremely functional and sensible.”
Eight year old isn’t listening because I’ve already talked for too long.
The workout commences.
Eight year old: “This is LITERALLY the steepest hill ever.”
Me: “Actually, it’s not. It’s not even figuratively the steepest hill ever.”
Eight year old: “You’re making no sense right now. Literally.”
Me: “I don’t think you’re using ‘LITERALLY’ correctly”
Eight year old: “Awkward.”
There is no possible reply to this so we continue doing hills.
The workout finishes.
Eight year old: “That workout was Legendary!!!”
Me: “Actually, we were starting again with 5 hills. We’ve done up to 9 before. So this one wasn’t actually ‘legendary'”
Eight year old looking at me funny: “What is wrong with you and why don’t you understand anything I’m saying?”
Me: “Ditto.”
We run home in silence.

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