I will always like to run, whether I’m competing or not, but often enough the urge strikes me to register for a race and compete. By this I mean, run as fast as I can, test myself, and try to hit a certain time. I usually have a pretty good idea of where I will rank among finishers, depending on the size of the event. Sometimes in the smaller races I win outright, and sometimes I’m happy with a top-10 finish. I don’t really care about beating specific people, as my own time is what I’m aiming for. I would rather run with fast people who beat me but pull me to a faster time than come first with a slower time.

But I won’t lie: it’s nice to “medal”. Especially as my times are starting to slow down with age. I usually know on the start line by looking around whether I’ll be in the mix for a top-3 finish or not. In any races where there is significant prize money and elites show up, I put myself way down the list. Until this year when I turned 40. Suddenly there was a new (lower) bar. I could compete against older runners for a top podium spot! I’d be competing against women who had families, careers, and other major priorities outside of running. People who were older, busier, and fitting in training where they could.

I had mixed feelings. I knew (or thought) I would fare better in this new group, but I sort of felt like I’d been put out to pasture. I was competing against the “B” Team. Oh well – I would compete in this new category, but maybe really still measure myself against the runners in the open race.

The first race I competed in as an elite master was the Race Roster Spring Run-Off in April. It was -12C and windy (and hilly as it always is). At the beginning my toes and fingers were frozen, and by the end my mouth was too frozen to speak.  But the conditions were tough for everyone. If my time wasn’t the best, I still had places to run for. And this is where I learned how tough these other masters women are! I ran one of my faster times on that course and I still didn’t make the podium as a master! This was a bit of a shock to me, but also oddly exhilarating. This is no “softie” category – these women are serious athletes who kick butt! I am so pumped to be one of them – even if I’m not the best 😉 I love having others out there setting the bar high. These ladies are fierce and fearless. They have nothing to prove to anyone. Pretty sure they’re all doing this just for themselves. The funny thing is they are also super friendly and warm and seem genuinely happy that I’ve joined their ranks. No one takes themselves too seriously. We’re all “something” first, and runners maybe second, third or fourth. But don’t let that cause you to let your guard down. We will run fast and hard all the way to the finish. I am so excited for this new phase in my competitive running. Look out ladies – I’m comin’ for ya!

I have a confession: I’m not really into food. I mean, I like to eat, especially when I’m hungry, but I’m not really picky. Or I should say, sophisticated. I’ve heard about people going out to fancy restaurants for $500 meals, and I can’t think of anything remotely satisfying about that. There is no way my enjoyment of a meal could be worth that value. I’m not judging people who do it. I mean a lot of people wouldn’t pay $50 – $80 to run anywhere from 5K to 23K, which I do on a semi-regular basis. Some people are into running and some people are into food. Many people are into both, and others are into neither. No problem! I am just making the point that I am really not into food.

Of course I like to eat when I’m hungry. And I’m not saying I never over-eat. I have times when I can finish an entire bag of chips before noticing the damage. But don’t confuse this with being into food. Anyone will eat fast and convenient sweet, salty and processed foods and I’m one of them. It takes another level of attention to food to plan, buy, and prepare healthy, balanced, and tasty meals. Again. And again. And again.

Obviously as a runner, I understand the importance of good food for my body. I therefore try to have my basic go-to healthy meals and snacks which I don’t have to put a lot of time or thought into. Nothing creative or fancy – just the basics: sandwiches, fruit, veggies, crackers. If dinner contains more than three or four ingredients I start to get overwhelmed. I prepare food because I have to, and the less I have to the better. This is a typical weekday dinner at my house:

But suddenly everyone in my house is hungry ALL THE TIME and I feel like my life revolves around planning, buying, preparing and cleaning up food. My husband and I are both very active, and the more we workout, the more we have to eat. This is annoying to me. On top of this, my children (ages 6 and 8) are suddenly bottomless pits. We used to leave restaurant meals with half the meal in a take-out bag for the next day’s lunch. Nowadays we get in the door from a restaurant and someone immediately says “I’m hungry”. I can’t think of two less welcome words to my ears. But you can’t leave someone hungry. I try to get them to get their own meals, but often this ends up happening:

In a typical day, I wake up, make three breakfasts (my husband does his own) and then pack two lunches. Throughout the day I graze and don’t make much beyond crackers, nuts or an easy sandwich for myself. But I am still thinking about food because I’m planning that night’s dinner and wondering if we have enough bread, yogourt and fruit for the next day’s lunches. I usually have to buy at least one ingredient every day. Then I pick up the kids and feed them a snack after school:

I often feed them the snack while cleaning out their lunch bags and making dinner. This all requires much more kitchen time than I’m happy with, but I see no way around it. Once dinner is made, my husband typically joins us, we eat, I clean up and my kids immediately start expressing their hunger again. That’s usually when my head explodes. At this point when I hear “I’m hungry” I just say “No.” Or sometimes it’s more like “NO!” I don’t know if I mean they can’t be hungry or that I’m not making anything –  I just know that I cannot deal with food anymore.

This is when they know I’m beaten and they go in for the cookies while I collapse in a broken heap on the couch, as far away from the kitchen as possible.

I’m not sure what all this means. I think I’m looking for something that can just fill us up already! Just fill the voids so we’re not always hungry and/or thinking about, buying, planning, preparing or cleaning up food. There must be a pill out there for that, no?

 

 

I’m not sure if I’d classify myself as someone who runs “a lot”. It depends on my audience. To non-runners, yes, I probably do run a lot. To people training for marathons, I don’t log that many hours or miles. I run about 5-6 times a week, probably averaging an hour for most of my runs. But it’s enough time to become aware of the often asked question :”What do you think about when you’re running?” I’ve been asked this question a number of times and I usually answer with something vague like “nothing” or “anything”. The truth is I don’t really know. Once you start thinking about what you’re thinking about, you become too self-conscious and the “what” of what you’re thinking about becomes what you’re thinking about.

But I was disturbed by a recent study that came out published by The Atlantic on What runners are thinking. It examined the thoughts of 10 runners who were training for marathons or half marathons. The study found that 40% of the time the runners were thinking about pace and distance. 32% of the time they were thinking about pain and discomfort. And the remaining 28% of their thoughts were focused on their environment.

As I said, I don’t know what I usually think about, but I just looked at those statistics and thought “that’s not me”.

I can recall one run where I didn’t have a watch but vaguely had an idea of what route I wanted to do. I changed course partway through and a while later I found myself back home. I tried to remember where I had just run but had no clue. I’d gone on automatic pilot on one of my routes, but with no watch I had no reference point. My mind had slipped into neutral and remained there for the course of my run. Pretty sure that one wasn’t an hour, but who knows?

After reading the above mentioned study I became aware of what I was thinking. But sometimes only after the fact. The other day I did run for a full hour (I timed that one), and about 10 minutes before finishing I realized that for the entire run I had been replaying a funny YouTube clip of Will Ferrell in my head. It was an 8 minute clip. I had been chuckling about it to myself for 50 minutes!

I’m not sure what all this says about my intellectual depth, but I do know that my mind likes going to these “happy places”. I also know that if 72% of my time spent running required thought power and mental energy vs. an opportunity to mentally check-out, I would definitely be doing a lot less of it!

There are many things I didn’t know would become part of my life when I became a parent. One was how competitive it is to get your kids into the programs you and/or they want. What do the kids of laid-back, non-competitive-type parents do? I’m guessing they get into the “register anytime” camps that never fill up – like maybe math camp or running camp? Maybe not the worst options – back to that in a sec.

Meanwhile, last Saturday’s date had been marked in my calendar for a month as the date on which to register my son for ball-hockey in the Spring. He really wanted to do it. I’d visited the website and gotten as far as I could with setting him up with a user name and password, but the registration would be locked until 8 a.m. on Saturday morning. I knew I would be on the road with my kids at precisely that time, so I enlisted my husband to do the registering. The problem is, I didn’t really have the heart to tell him how obsessive and competitive you have to be in order to even have a chance of getting in. I did say “register at 8 a.m. sharp” and left it at that. I didn’t say “have at least two computers going with the registration page open twice on each (in case of freezing or some other weird glitch), start at 7:50 with lots of coffee and adrenaline, have everything ready to go at 7:58, and start repeatedly pushing the ‘refresh’ button on all four screens simultaneously (bonus if you can also be calling to get in that way – sometimes they let you but it’s always busy so you have to keep hanging up and dialing again) and keep doing all of this from 7:58 to 8:03. By 8:03 it’s over. If you didn’t get in, try again next year.” How do you communicate all of that without sounding like a crazy person?

As I was driving that morning I saw my phone ring at 8:07. “I didn’t get in” he said. “Did you register at 8?” I asked. “Pretty much”. Oh how I love to be up against competitors like that! Poor guy didn’t stand a chance.

We broke the news to our son, which went over ok. Now the problem is mine. Either find a program which he likes, is convenient to get to and is not too expensive, or entertain him myself in those time blocks. Back to that running camp idea. He actually does like running (ok, when it suits him) but I think I can gently encourage it. He did want me to register him for the Ride for Heart 5K Run in June, so we have a goal to train for. And all joking aside, we have found a very excellent track club for kids which has great coaches and which he has enjoyed in the past. The question now will be: can we make it fit our schedules? Time to get to work on Pan B…

 

Is it too early for New Year’s resolutions? Because I have one which I’m trying out. But maybe it’s not so much a resolution as a philosophy. It’s not an “all or nothing” philosophy, but more of a changed approach to how I view opportunities, invitations and experiences.

Have I mentioned I’m now 40? (Actually I think I’ve mentioned it in every post I’ve written since turning 40 in July.) Turning 40 hasn’t changed me overnight, but there’s no denying it’s a milestone age which has brought with it a little self-reflection and called up the questions of what I am doing with my life. What am I seeking or striving for? When will I know when I’m there? What does “success” mean? What is the meaning of it all? (heavy, I know!)

I think the biggest insight I’ve gleaned from this milestone is that I am living my life NOW. In my teens, 20’s and 30’s, most of my goals, aspirations and dreams were all based in the future. One day I could train hard and run fast if I wanted to. One day I would carve out some time write a book. One day I’d slow down and enjoy people’s company more. Meanwhile for the past few years at least, I had been living my life on fast-forward automatic pilot, doing what needed to get done, putting new experiences on hold, rarely stopping to talk or have coffee with a friend or acquaintance, not taking risks with veering outside my comfortable routine.

But suddenly, at 40, there was a shift. If I was going to do something or be someone, I needed to be doing it now. Instead of seeing my future self as an almost fictional person to whom I could indefinitely forward my “to-do” list, I’ve suddenly caught up and am now that person.

So what does this mean? To me it means I’m making an effort to say “yes” to opportunities and experiences. It definitely takes more effort to go to every holiday party, make running and lunch dates, sign up for out of town races, plan new family adventures, try a new sport, take on new work projects, etc… But if I’m not doing these things another year will pass me by in another unremarkable blur. When I have new experiences, I feel alive. I feel I’m at a pinnacle where there are two choices: growth or decay. There is no standing still.

Here is what happens when I say ‘Yes’:

• This past summer as I cheered on my husband as he competed in dozens of paddling races I thought “why am I watching and not doing?” So I jumped into a new sport, competed in numerous races, and have loved the experiences and community around it.

• I recently ran Nationals X-Country in Kingston Ontario. Not because I was in great shape or because I love cross-country. I did it because I got to see people whose company I enjoy, challenge myself, and create a new experience. I’m so glad I did it.

• I’ve been working this season on being more social and going to more holiday gatherings and informal get-togethers. It’s an effort for me, for sure which usually involves planning and scheduling, not to mention actually getting off the couch and out the door! But talking to people and engaging in ideas is interesting. Sharing a laugh is energizing. Meeting someone new with a different world view is enlightening. And reconnecting with old friends is some of the best fun you can have.

So going forward, when a new opportunity comes up, unless I have a very good reason to say ‘no’, I’m going to take a chance on saying ‘yes’. This is me living my life at 40.